New York State of Mind

Like every other actor wannabe I got a job waiting tables (but that's another popular blog site) and spent my time hunting down and dragging myself to endless auditions and cattle calls. As ill-suited as I was to Stella Adler, I was even more ill-suited to auditions, and I found myself hating every aspect of my chosen profession. I could sing, sure, but I could never do well at that give-us-your-best-song-in-20 seconds thing. Literally, you wake up at 6 am, warm-up the best you can without disturbing your roommate or entire apartment building, wait an interminable amount of time to be seen, and then walk in and be your best in 16 bars or under. Ugh! I could never do it well. Go ahead, try and sum up the best things about yourself in 20 seconds, and then do it within a song. It's hard!

What made it worse was that I could never fit into that perfect director's casting grid, now referred to as a casting matrix. What does that mean? It means I was never the quintessential ingenue, or character, or diva, or villain, or teenager, or mother, or whatever it was they were looking for. I was not a type. (a matrix is literally a mold) In other words, you cannot look at me and characterize me. This is what I swear, to this day, has been my downfall in my theatrical career. .

In all aspects of performing, type is a very powerful concept. It is what enables casting directors to easily fit actors into roles, and what helps audiences identify characters. For example, if you are watching a movie about a teenage prom queen who gets all the boys, you will most likely not believe a chubby 30-year old woman with mousy brown hair playing the roll. Similarly, if you watch a commercial with a football player in it, he will most likely not be a 6'6” skinny nerd with glasses, get my point? Type is an all-important and all-determining aspect of the acting field. And I certainly understand that. But, if you are not the type (pun intended) who fits easily into a type, then you are going to have a difficult time.

I am not, and never have been, a good type for the following reasons:

1. I'm short

2. I'm short, but I can't play a teen or a Disney character because I have huge boobs

3. I have huge boobs, but I am not blond

4. I am not blond, but I look terrible as a blond

5. I have a sweet soprano voice like a Disney Princess, but am not the Disney type, see 2-4

6. I look like a character actress but have a voice like a Disney Princess

And round and round it goes....

Why did I ever choose this field? Oh, yeah, because I can sing, dammit!

So, how can one fix not being a good type? Well, you can alter your looks. You can gain or lose weight, dye your hair, fix your nose, flatten (or inflate) your chest, or sell your soul to the Devil to try to be the person they want to hire, certainly, many performers do. But, I grew up with morals, standards, and ethics, (well, not really, but it sounds good here), and I did not want to change who I was to fit the mold. I was stubborn. I was naïve. I had a mother who said she would kill me if I got a nose job, so I didn't. I stayed exactly who I was. I was true to myself. As the song goes, I did it my way. Did it help my career? Probably not. But, whatever, the past is past. Besides, who knows if it ever would have helped.

So, why do I bring all of this up? Because it all plays a part into how I became, and stayed, a cruise ship singer... that's why.